At home

by **Ейвъри Еванджелин** Пет Авг 10, 2012 7:03 pm

Тва ми е едно такова selfpara за тъмблр, реших да го пусна

ЧАСТ 1

The taxi stopped in front of the white house. With the sunny sky behind it, white clouds chasing around, the big apple tree in front and the green lawn. She felt like she was just here few hours ago, not a whole month. Roxanne`s gaze went to the door where to people where standing and looked with a bit of indifference at them. She wasn`t excited even the slightest at the thought of going home. Her mom wanted her to make those bloody drug tests again and Roxy knew it won`t end well as just few days ago she had been taking Ecstasy and coke. It wasn`t such a big deal, that`s why Roxy didn`t understand why both of them were worrying their brains out for her. No reason, she was not gonna take an overdose again. Or get pregnant by accident. Only on purpose.
But why would she get pregnant? Right now she didn`t even plan on having a boyfriend. She wanted to stay away from all feelings more than ever, cause little Ame made her admit those stupid, stupid feelings she had for Kacey. Only if she didn`t accept the invitation that night to go and watch the stupid stars with him, or if she hadn`t let him hold her hand or see her get in a state when she almost cried…Maybe then those fucking butterflies won`t show every time she thought of him or that night. And yes, she did think of him, no matter how much she didn`t want to admit it. She went out of the taxi with this last thought, leaving him at the seat, and not wanting to see him in her mind for the next three days.
The taxi driver has already taken her bag off the trunk so she didn`t have any reason to waver around there and pretend to have work to do. She took it by its handle and put it over her shoulder. She then walked slowly by the path on the lawn and let her mom hug her enthusiastically. “You should have answered your phone cupcake” her mom said immediately and Roxy frowned. Of course, why would she expect her mom to say a simple “Hello dear, I missed you”… maybe cause I’d be a lie. They didn`t miss each other. On another hand, Roxy missed her dad a lot, so she just pushed out of her mother`s arms and hugged her dad excitedly, getting on her tiptoes to throw her hands around his great shoulders. “Hey daddy” she smiled wide as she felt the familiar smell of cars and garlic radiating from him. “Ugh, you`ve been eating garlic for breakfast again, haven`t you” she chuckled and let go of him. Both her parents now took her inside, starting to ask questions about Hadley, about Shelby and Shane, about her new friends. Roxy said so many lies in half an hour she hadn`t imagined she would have to.
Soon they let her go up in her room. Her mom followed her, of course. The girl`s steps where heavy on the wooden stairs as she went up and her fingers played the familiar melody on the staircase. She smiled as she opened her room and the smell of perfume hit her. Her mom had cleaned her normally cleaned room even more. Roxy could see that spot on the desk, that she`d been trying to get rid of for months, wasn`t there anymore. Her teddies were all in a perfect line like little solders on her drawers. Something she didn`t like. Her bed was pulled perfectly. Maybe if she threw a coin it would just fly back at her. She felt her mother`s gaze as she threw her bag on her bed and sat on her spinning chair and turned to the window from where she could see the apple tree she had escaped in night so many times from. She ignored that gaze and stood up, going for the window and opening it, getting out to sit on the rood. Only thing she heard from her mom was “Nick is coming to dinner tonight with his parents”
That made Roxy feel as if she fell. She fell off the roof, out of her skin and body, out of the little routine she had been making for herself in years. She felt. Actually felt again. She hated seeing him. Ever since they broke up. Her parents didn`t know. Neither did his. They just thought their little babies broke up cause they stopped having feeling. But they didn`t. Or at least Roxy didn`t. She still loved him. And she still hated him. Hate was more than love in her case, of course. She despised him for breaking her heart, for the way he did it, for who he did it with. She wanted to punch him every time he spun in her thought, cause he was the reason she had now stopped talking to Kacey for. She would never be with someone again as she was with him, and just cause he was so angry to her that day that he did that.
She didn`t feel when the time went by. She didn`t see when it had gotten dark, when the stars and moon replaced the clouds and sun. Cause she had been spinning back and forth, form past to present, from love to hatred… from Nick to KK. She felt a hand on her back and nearly fell off the roof. When she turned she wished she had. “Get the fuck out of my room” she growled at the blonde boy that stood there and looked at her with the same feeling she felt. He opened his mouth, ready to say something, but before he did she stormed out of her room and ran down the stairs. She knew where the parents would be and got out in the back yard, where her dad was already making a BBQ. She sat down with a fake smile and put some salad in her plate, wanting this night to be over as soon as possible. She didn`t want to see him, but she soon heard him get in the yard and saw him sit across of her. She didn`t look at him and listened to the small talk her dad made with Nick`s dad. She truly hated him. How dared he touch her? How dared he go up in her room where they had snuggled so many times after he had climbed secretly up the apple? He had no shame, no guilt.
Her first respond for the eve was when her dad put a roasted beef in her plate. “Daddy, you know I`m e vegetarian. I ea t only sea food” she frowned and pushed the plate away. Nick laughed and Roxy had to pinch herself not to throw the beef in his direction. She took a can of beer and opened it, pouring a lot in her throat. “Sure cupcake” her dad said, taking it back. “I`m still not used to it” he laughed loud with his heavy voice. Soon the talk of the adults went to some topics Roxy preferred not to listen to. “Why don`t I just go inside and leave y`all here” she smiled and pushed off the table. They all agreed. But they all said something else too. “Why don`t you join her? I`m sure you two have lots to talk about”.
With that my face went blank and I just numbly walked into the house and then in the kitchen, leaning under the sink to find some hard alcohol to drink. I felt him standing at the door. I knew he was leaning at it with one of his grins. But I couldn`t turn.